You can’t talk to so and so. I don’t like it
I’m horny, its your duty as my lover to have sex with me and satisfy my needs
You are doing something I don’t like, I will throw a tantrum to get my way
You haven’t texted me back, you must be cheating on me
You must celebrate my achievements, but yours are insignificant
If you break up with me, I will kill myself
These are phrases used to control you. To keep you in line, and to follow them hook line and sinker.
This was my life for three years before I finally said enough is enough.
I thought it finally did. I met a boy. His name? Lets just say it was Eric. Everything seemed to go so well. We clicked, so I thought Finally, its my turn to experience what true love is. I was wrong, so wrong. Eric and I, we moved in together after 1 year of dating. I thought this was the boy who I would spend my life with, so I saw no problem in moving in with him so early. I started noticing subtle signs, but I was blinded, so I thought nothing of it.
You’re imagining things, grow up Gracie.
However, it escalated. What started as cute jealousy, started turning rancid real quick. Gone were the cute “Now don’t you run away from me ;)” In with the “ Oh ? If you find him so hot, why don’t you go f**k him instead, I know you want to!”
I only mentioned that the grocery clerk had a pretty smile.
I thought there was something wrong with me, and that Eric was justified in his treatment of me. Was I not pretty enough? Was I too heavy? Was I too vanilla? These thoughts plagued me for a long time until I finally thought enough was enough and I got myself out.
I’m finally dating after three years. I’m finally putting myself out there, and I’m glad that I did. It wasn’t easy, I’m still constantly thinking “Am I having sex with Matthew because I want to, or because I think I owe him something?” or “Is he doing things for me only because he wants things in return?”
Its getting easier as each day passes on, and I won’t say its not hard because it is, it definitely is. However I learned from this. I learned to stand up for myself and not allow another person to define my self-worth. Only I can do that.
If you are being wrongfully treated by someone who is supposed to love and care for you, whether it be a lover or a relative, try to see that there is nothing wrong with you that you need to fix. You define your self worth, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Be the person you want to be, be free with who you know you are!
Another time lovelies!