How Being in Abusive Relationships Affect New Dating

You can’t talk to so and so. I don’t like it

I’m horny, its your duty as my lover to have sex with me and satisfy my needs

You are doing something I don’t like, I will throw a tantrum to get my way

You haven’t texted me back, you must be cheating on me

You must celebrate my achievements, but yours are insignificant

If you break up with me, I will kill myself

These are phrases used to control you. To keep you in line, and to follow them hook line and sinker.

This was my life for three years before I finally said enough is enough.

I thought it finally did. I met a boy. His name? Lets just say it was Eric. Everything seemed to go so well. We clicked, so I thought Finally, its my turn to experience what true love is. I was wrong, so wrong. Eric and I, we moved in together after 1 year of dating. I thought this was the boy who I would spend my life with, so I saw no problem in moving in with him so early. I started noticing subtle signs, but I was blinded, so I thought nothing of it.

You’re imagining things, grow up Gracie.

However, it escalated. What started as cute jealousy, started turning rancid real quick. Gone were the cute “Now don’t you run away from me ;)” In with the “ Oh ? If you find him so hot, why don’t you go f**k him instead, I know you want to!”

I only mentioned that the grocery clerk had a pretty smile.

I thought there was something wrong with me, and that Eric was justified in his treatment of me. Was I not pretty enough? Was I too heavy? Was I too vanilla? These thoughts plagued me for a long time until I finally thought enough was enough and I got myself out.

I’m finally dating after three years. I’m finally putting myself out there, and I’m glad that I did. It wasn’t easy, I’m still constantly thinking “Am I having sex with Matthew because I want to, or because I think I owe him something?” or “Is he doing things for me only because he wants things in return?”

Its getting easier as each day passes on, and I won’t say its not hard because it is, it definitely is. However I learned from this. I learned to stand up for myself and not allow another person to define my self-worth. Only I can do that.

If you are being wrongfully treated by someone who is supposed to love and care for you, whether it be a lover or a relative, try to see that there is nothing wrong with you that you need to fix. You define your self worth, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Be the person you want to be, be free with who you know you are!

Another time lovelies!

xoxo Gracie

Weekly Q&A

Hello everyone!
Do you have a burning question that you’re too shy to ask? Or do you have something that’s been on your mind for a while but you’re not sure how to mention it?
If you’re alive and you’re human, you probably have questions about sex!  The truth is – no one can know everything there is about sex and sexuality.  Here at Our Pleasure, we learn new things every day! We are not doctors or relationship gurus, but we will try our best to give you the best advice we can give!

Leave all your questions about sex, sexuality, sexual health, birth control, STI’s, and relationships below and we’ll answer them on Saturday! We’ll try to answer as many questions as we can, but if we don’t get to yours this week, don’t fear, we’ll make sure to answer it next Q&A! Rest assured it’s completely anonymous if you want it!

What Should You Disclose Before Sex?

Hello lovelies!

It is a major question, but to be honest I had never really thought about it deeply before seeing this video. What should you tell your partner before having sex for the first time? The answer is going to be different for everyone, of course. Personally, I think it’s important to know if my partner has an STI, and when they were last tested. Of course having a small discussion about their sexual preferences is a must!

This video below is a great starting point to think about what you should be disclosing – and also things you should be asking yourself!

Tell us what you think in the comments!

Until next time,

xoxo Laysha

Visit us online: www.ourpleasure.ca 

Q&A Answers!

Good morning, everyone!
You sent them, it’s time to answer!!!

 

1) Should I be having sex on my period?

 

Honestly, that’s completely up to you and your comfort level, as well as your partners! Some people don’t like having period sex, and if you don’t that’s A-Okay! However, if it’s something you’re interested in, know that having sex on your period is perfectly fine – it even has some benefits! The most common issue with the idea of women having sex on their period is they’re afraid their partner will be grossed out. You would be surprised that most people don’t care, but the only way you’ll know is to ask!

Check out our blog: 10 Things You Should Know About Period Sex for more information!

 

2) I started seeing a guy and he’s a little on the small size. We haven’t had sex yet but I’m thinking about it. Does size really matter?

While some people are “size queens”, that doesn’t mean you need to buy into the hype. While traditional sexual intercourse can sometimes (and I mean sometimes) be a bit lack luster with a smaller partner, you can still find amazing sexual enjoyment. Engage in more foreplay or choose a position that helps work for smaller partners (hint: doggystyle is great for this! Even the smallest guy can hit the G-spot when you tilt your hips upward). It’s not always about the end result, sometimes it’s about the ride! Guys that are on the smaller side tend to be amazing during foreplay because they’re trying to make up for something they think is lacking, don’t be afraid to take advantage!

3) I’m 19 years old and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve always felt really self-conscious about it. In the past year, I’ve tried dating, but I could never make it work. Lately, I’ve been really horny, so it’s been even worse for me. I’m starting to worry that I’ll never find anybody. Do you have any advice on how I could find somebody?

Starting a relationship can be complicated and rarely like what we see in the movies. While it might not be what you want to hear, the best advice is often: be patient. We rarely find anybody while we’re actively looking for them. Usually finding somebody to build a relationship with sneaks up on us when we least expect it. Sometimes it can take years (it took me 3) to find someone to build a true relationship with – and there’s nothing wrong with that! It means that when you finally find that person, that often the relationship will be deep and satisfying.

I would suggest focusing on having fun and focus on yourself! There’s nothing wrong with being sexually active (if being horny is what you’re worried about) and taking things as they come. If you haven’t yet, try joining a couple online dating sites – or try a new hobby and take a class. You can meet wonderful people, and you’re more likely to find somebody that shares your interests!

That’s all we have time for today, but if you have any other questions be sure to save them for the next time we do Q&A!

-Laysha

Visit us Online!

Sex & Pregnancy – What You Should Know!

Sex___Pregnancy

It’s no doubt that approaching sex during pregnancy can be a little daunting. Some parents have preconceived notions about what they can and can’t do during pregnancy, or some people have been told through the grapevine that sex during pregnancy isn’t safe (hint: it totally is!). In any case, here’s everything you need to know about sex during pregnancy!


F.A.Q.

1) Is sex during pregnancy safe?

Providing that you’re pregnancy is progressing normally and you don’t have any complications, sex is perfectly safe during pregnancy! It’s pretty rare that doctor prescribes what is known as “pelvic rest” (meaning you should abstain from penetrative sex), but it can happen. Generally, as long as you’re not told by your doctor that you shouldn’t – assume you can! If you have any questions, simply ask your doctor!

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2) Are orgasms safe?

Absolutely! While orgasms do cause the vaginal walls to contract, it’s not even close to the same degree as actual contractions, and don’t pose a problem for most women.

3) Will having sex hurt the baby?

A regular fear among men in regards to sex is “will my penis poke the baby?”. The answer is no – it won’t. The baby is protected by the amniotic sac as well as layers of muscle. So you’re safe to do the nasty – with no worries about the baby!

4) What about oral and anal sex?

You can proceed with your anal and oral activities during pregnancy – you might just need to be a little more careful! A lot of women get hemorrhoids during pregnancy, so anal sex can be a bit more painful. As for oral sex, if a pregnant woman is receiving, you have to be careful not to blow any air into the vagina. While rare, blowing air into the vagina can cause a serious condition called a venous air embolism – and can sometimes be fatal to mom and baby.

5) If I’m already pregnant, should I still use condoms?

This is something that you should discuss with your partner. If you’re a single pregnant mom-to-be (or you and your partner have an open relationship) experimenting sexually, it’s best to use a condom to help prevent STI’s – which can pass to baby and affect their health.

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Best Positions


Toys

Sometimes it can be hard to reach around a pregnant belly for some extra stimulation when you need it – a toy can help with that! Try looking for toys that have a handle to give you a little extra reach!

Shop Online Here!

 

Until next time!

xoxo Laysha

Visit us Online at: www.ourpleasure.ca

Weekly Q&A

Hello everyone!
Do you have a burning question that you’re too shy to ask? Or do you have something that’s been on your mind for a while but you’re not sure how to mention it?
If you’re alive and you’re human, you probably have questions about sex!  The truth is – no one can know everything there is about sex and sexuality.  Here at Our Pleasure, we learn new things every day! We are not doctors or relationship gurus, but we will try our best to give you the best advice we can give!

Leave all your questions about sex, sexuality, sexual health, birth control, STI’s, and relationships below and we’ll answer them on Saturday! We’ll try to answer as many questions as we can, but if we don’t get to yours this week, don’t fear, we’ll make sure to answer it next Q&A! Rest assured it’s completely anonymous if you want it!

Q&A Answers!

Good morning, everyone!
You sent them, it’s time to answer!!!

 

1) My partner and I want to start trying anal. She has lost of vibrators already, do I really have to buy an anal toy? 

If the toy doesn’t have a flared base, DON’T USE IT! The important thing that separates an anal toy from any other adult toy is that it has some kind of flared base or loop at the bottom that’s designed to keep the toy from disappearing inside of you. “Sex Brought Me to the ER” is a very real show, with very real consequences! If a toy doesn’t have a base, it runs the risk of going missing inside of you – where some cases medical intervention may be involved.

Do yourself a favor, always use a toy with a base. Like the ones showed below!

 

2) I can’t ever seem to orgasm when my boyfriend and I have sex – I do during oral though! Is this normal?

It’s more normal than you think! Around 70-80 percent of women can only achieve orgasm during clitoral stimulation. If you want to start orgasming during penetrative sex, there are claims that strengthening your pelvic floor by doing kegel exercises might help. There haven’t been any studies that prove this indefinitely, but a lot of women who exercise their kegels claim that they have better sex and vaginal orgasms!

Alternatively,  use your or your partners hand during sex to stimulate the clitoris – this extra manual stimulation can prove to be just what you need. Even a small vibrating toy between you can give the sensations you need – just let your partner know that you want to experiment!

3) I don’t really like vibration are there other toys I can try?

Absolutely! These days companies are coming out with more and more unique options for toys! While a lot of toys still come with vibrating options, you can choose whether or not to use them! Some examples of good toys to try if you dislike vibration are:

Suction Toys

These toys simulate oral sex through suction! Some (like the womanizer), use both a light suction and pulsating waves to stimulate which is an entirely different feeling than vibration, while others (like the Hiky) use a powerful suction motion only with vibration options if you want them!

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Find the Hiky Here!

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Find the Womanizer Here!

Roller Balls

These toys use rotating balls to stimulate the clitoris instead of traditional vibration. The balls move in a variety of patterns and speeds and create a similar sensation to that of exploring fingers. The Embrace line of roller toys are a great example!

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Find the Embrace Swirl Massager Here!

That’s all we have time for today, but if you have any other questions be sure to save them for the next time we do Q&A!

-Laysha

How to Clean Your Sex Toys!

How_To

BottleDo Not Use Soap!

Although some people will say to do this, we don’t recommend it! Regular soap can leave a scummy build-up on your toys. Think of the soap scum that collects on your shower after a while – you don’t want that on something that’s going in or around your body!

We recommend a Toy Cleaner to properly clean your adult toys!


What is Toy Cleaner?

Toy cleaner is a mild antibacterial spray that cleans and sanitizes your toys!

Safe for all toy materials
Usually uses citric acid to sanitize
Will not damage toys
Can be alcohol or vegetable based

How to Use Toy Cleaner

SprayStep 1: Spray

Spray your toy down with the cleaner, making sure to cover all of the areas that your body touches with the mist.

Tip: Avoid your battery packs even if the toy is waterproof!

clockStep 2: Leave

Leave the toy for around 5 minutes to allow the disinfecting agent to properly do its job. You can leave for longer if you wish – 5 minutes is the minimum recommended time.

WipeStep 3: Wipe

Use a damp cloth to wipe the toy completely, removing both cleaner and any residue that has built up on the toy during use.

RinseStep 4: Rinse & Leave to Dry

Make sure to rinse the toy thoroughly with warm water to remove any left-over cleaner and residue, then leave the toy to air dry in an open place for a few hours. Once the toy is dry, store as usual in a clean, dry place! Toy bags are ideal for storage as they keep the toy free from contact with other toys.

Tip: Do not dry your toy off with a towel or cloth – fibers from the cloth may stick to your toy!


Exceptions

Glass and Silicone toys (if they don’t use batteries) can be boiled or placed in the top rack of the dishwasher to be cleaned! They are considered non-porous toys: meaning they’re easy to clean!

 

 

 

 

 

 

There you are lovelies!

xoxo Laysha

Visit us online at: www.ourpleasure.ca

 

 

Weekly Q&A

Hello everyone!
Do you have a burning question that you’re too shy to ask? Or do you have something that’s been on your mind for a while but you’re not sure how to mention it?
If you’re alive and you’re human, you probably have questions about sex!  The truth is – no one can know everything there is about sex and sexuality.  Here at Our Pleasure, we learn new things every day! We are not doctors or relationship gurus, but we will try our best to give you the best advice we can give!

Leave all your questions about sex, sexuality, sexual health, birth control, STI’s, and relationships below and we’ll answer them on Friday! We’ll try to answer as many questions as we can, but if we don’t get to yours this week, don’t fear, we’ll make sure to answer it next Q&A!

(If you don’t want to leave your real email address, you don’t have to.  No problem! Simply type in a fake email address)