What is the key to a great sex life? Is it having great moves, having experience with many lovers, always having an orgasm, being vocal, using toys, always beginning with oral?? None of the above, actually! Communication is actually the key to a great sex life.
We all should know this by now, but not everyone realizes or practices this like they should. Talking to your partner about what you like or asking what they like is important in pleasing.
Introducing something new to your love-making can be very easy! Yes I said easy. For example, if you were interested in dirty talk in the bedroom but didn’t know where to start, the first step would be to first test the waters by casual conversation. Ask questions like “Have you ever talked dirty in bed before?” or “If I were to say something nasty to you while we were in bed, how would you feel?” This way you get to see at least a facial expression or a reaction towards that idea. You’ve put that idea into their mind and you can guarantee that they will be thinking about it later.
This puts this topic out in the open and gives you the opportunity to further discuss it. You can’t expect your partner to open up right away and get down to business right then and there and be completely comfortable. It can take time and it may be a couple weeks or more before you find yourself in bed saying, “Oh baby, spank my ass!”
Dirty Talk DO’S
1. Read an erotic story to your partner or together. This of course can be very arousing. We have many different books to choose from at Our Pleasure, including Jenna Jameson’s 3 part series of short stories. In reading, you could practice your dirty voice and it will be a fun time together even if it doesn’t lead to sex.
2. Swear! Yes throw the F word in there! Some people enjoy being called names or having their genitals named or described in other erms other than vagina or penis. We often use vulgar words for effect and emotion so using them while talking dirty shows you are really into it and the rawness of the act you are both performing. If you have a partner that is normally sweet and well-mannered in person then expressing their dirty side in bed can be a buzz for you both!
Dirty Talk DON’TS
1. Do not use childish terms or anything clinical. Calling his manhood a lovely erect penis will kill the mood and make him think of high school sex ed, try something like rock hard c**k. Also saying “oh your jugs are so hot” is also too high school.
2. Don’t talk about other men or women. Do not bring up other people unless it is specifically requested, otherwise it can make your partner feel insecure. It is possible that your partner may want to hear about how other women/men want you and think you’re hot but to be on the safe side, let’s steer clear unless asked.
Delivering the Goods
Choose a different voice than your normal one. What is sexy to you? Low and deep, high and squeaky or a breathy whisper? Play around with a few and choose what you like. You can also ask your partner what they prefer.
Prepare to deal with laughter, especially if this is new. There may be a giggle here or there at first. This is mostly nervousness and it will pass. Being an effective dirty talker takes practice and patience. Just remember, take it easy and work your way into it.
It can be very hard to discuss how your doing while doing the act so save the analysis for later and by later I do not mean right after the act. Talk at a time while you are both fully dressed such as while making dinner or watching tv together. There is a far less risk of hurting your partner’s feelings this way. Discuss which parts you liked and what parts you didn’t. Keep the discussion light-hearted and fun!