I can’t ask that!!! – Why am I fixated on my partner’s past?

How long ago did you start seeing your partner?
Do you still wonder about their past?
…who they were with, what they did, if their other partner was better?

One of the most common fears in all couples (especially new couples) is the fear that someone in their past was somehow ‘better’ then they are. This has a lot to do with communication and trust. Without one, you can’t have the other.
Have you ever asked any questions your partner didn’t really want to answer? Did they answer anyway, or were you left to wonder?
Not everyone is comfortable talking about past relationships, yet sometimes people will fixate on and only talk about their past. The healthiest thing we can do with a new (or long time) partner is talk about our past. Have no fear, no matter how good (or bad) it was, it shaped you into who you are today. What you love, what you hate, what feels good, what looks good; it all has to do with your past.
It is human nature to be curious, but don’t push your partner’s boundaries too soon! In new relationships, you want to establish a trust, not cause your partner to put a wall up right away. If you want to know there’s no harm in asking, but if they aren’t willing to talk about it right away just give it some time.  Remember, not everyone is proud of their past. You know the old saying, “curiosity killed the cat”? Too much curiosity in a relationship can cause jealousy, yet not enough sometimes comes across as a lack of care/interest in your partner. It can be hard to find that grey area in between and stick to it.
When it comes down to it, people will fixate on a partner’s past because of one main reason: their own insecurities.
“Did she give better oral then me?”
“Was he better in bed then me?”
“Did she like it when he did that? I don’t, but I feel bad telling him…”
“That kinda hurt, but I don’t wanna hurt her feelings…”

Come on people! If he/she is with you, you’re doing something right! Be honest and ask! Keep an open mind, and don’t forget that if they ask you something, tell them the truth too. You will build a stronger relationship then you could ever imagine, and as time goes on you will gain stronger communication, and trust. As that happens, you should notice all or at least most of those little doubts that we all get should start to go away.
In the meantime, try not to fixate on anything but your partner’s current needs and desires. If you still feel a little fixated on their past, do a little self re-evaluation and see if maybe there is something you are insecure about or not comfortable doing that could be causing you to feel this way.

– Kyra

3 thoughts on “I can’t ask that!!! – Why am I fixated on my partner’s past?

  1. Very awesome blog !! I couldnt have wrote this any better than you if I tried super hard hehe!! I like your style too!! it’s very unique & refreshing…

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