Sex, Lies And…More Lies?

From an early age, we’re practically assaulted by information about sex.  Our friends whisper naughty things in our ears…we hear random facts in movies and read about it in books, our sex ed teachers fill our heads with clinical definitions and worst case scenarios, religious institutes bombard us with “don’t do its” and our parents give us the old “birds and bees” talk.  Sometimes we end up completely  informed and then there are some of us who grow up completely oblivious to any sort of truth when it comes to sex. Our individual sexuality can be confusing when we receive such contradictory messages from sources we think we can trust. Some of the information we hear is often muddled and sometimes even untrue.

Here are the Top 3 Lies We’re Told About Sex:

1. Sex is always natural, beautiful and romantic.
Ok. We should all know that is not true by now.  Sex with someone new is often clumsy and we often need to align and realign ourselves and learn about each others bodies to make it work.  Of course there are those times when two bodies fit together like puzzle pieces but that isn’t always the case.
…And beautiful? Sometimes sex is downright ugly. It can be sweaty and messy and so very awkward.  When it comes to romantic, sometimes sex is anything but.  One night stands are often urgent and performed without thoughts or even feelings, just mindless lust and frenzy.
Sex is a million different things. It can be sweet and wonderful but it can also be sloppy and fleeting.  It can be very, very good and sometimes it’s downright terrible.

2. Men love sex. Women could care less.
Try telling this to the people I work with. If there’s one thing we love most here at Our Pleasure…it’s sex. Not just having it but understanding it and learning about it and accepting the fact that we will never know everything there is to know about it.  Saying that only men love sex is like saying that women are the only ones who like to watch movies. It doesn’t make sense. Some things that are also not true: Only women like to cuddle. Only Men like raunchy sex. Only women want to talk and share their feelings after sex. Only men don’t know how to communicate sometimes.  Real sex only happens between a man and a woman. Women never want sex, men want it all of the time.  Men are visual, women are not. All of it? Lies. Men and women are much more complicated than what gender we are.  I know plenty of men who want to cuddle and plenty of women who like raunchy sex.

3. Sex  should always be spontaneous
Life gets busy. Sometimes we need to plan our sexual escapades.
It’s as simple as that.
Yes, there are moments in life when you tumble soundlessly and gracefully into a haystack and have a soft, beautiful , spontaneous lovemaking session…just like the movies.
But for a lot of us, we have jobs, family, social obligations and well…life. You know that you have a babysitter on Friday nights which means you can anticipate a hot and heavy session without interuptions…or it could mean naptime. Or, perhaps your roommate is away for the weekend. What do you do? You buy some condoms and plan to spend the next three days in bed. Spontaneity is great but sometimes things run a lot smoother if you have a well thought out plan.

4. Sex comes naturally

Yes, of course it does…in a sense. We’re hardwired to procreate. But sex the right way and sex in a way that feels great for us and our partner(s) isn’t something we just KNOW how to do.
We have to learn how to walk, drive a car, to stop going to the bathroom in a diaper and how to eat with utensils, so of course we have to learn how to have sex.
That’s why there are so many books and movies and articles about how to have good sex.
It’s something you have to work at(and it’s the kind of work you should never mind doing!) and it’s a lifelong learning experience. You’ll never know everything there is to know about sex. It’s impossible. You will continue, for the entirety of your adult life, to learn about sex…how to have it and how to have it feel great. It’s the kind of learning that will never be boring!

– petey

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