I think that most of us have experienced that horrible one night stand where we wake up next to someone and wonder what the hell happened last night. Sometimes it’s someone you met downtown but other times it can be that friend that you never thought you’d sleep with. Sometimes it’s so easy to cross that friendship line because they’re someone you’re close to and care about. However what do you do when you cross that line and someone ends up getting hurt? I’ve been there as I’m sure most of you have too. I have no issue sleeping with a friend because I can completely separate sex from emotion but not all people can do that. I’ve had a few messy experiences where friends have been hurt that I didn’t want more and I’ve also been on the other end where I’ve wanted more. It’s expected that people end up hurt but what do you do when a friend comes to you 2 years later and tells you that your rejection affected them so badly that they haven’t been able to trust a girl since?
Recently I ran into a friend that I had previously worked and hooked up with one night downtown. I remember that he texted me a lot over the following few days and wanted to hang out but I didn’t realize he wanted more. I started to date someone a few days after my one night stand and when I told him that he was extremely angry. I couldn’t understand at the time why he was so upset with me because I had thought it was a onetime drunken experience that we wouldn’t do again. Apparently for him it was much more. He had liked me for a long time and thought that after we slept together that we would date. I didn’t realize he had been feeling this way and he was so mad at me that we stopped being friends and didn’t talk for almost 2 years. When I ran into him recently he told me that I had changed his view on women. Apparently he hadn’t been serious with anyone for the last two years because he was so angry with what I had done to him that he just slept with women and then discarded them thinking we were all heartless. He honestly believed that I had lead him on and then moved on to someone I felt was better, like he wasn’t good enough for me. I couldn’t believe that one night had affected him so strongly that he would carry that bitterness around with him for two years.
I’ve been led on before and hated the person for it but now I have to wonder if they just hadn’t expected more like I did with him. It breaks my heart that I hurt someone like that and I can’t even get my mind around the fact that I’ve done this to someone. The lesson I’ve learned from this is that you should never just assume that someone is ok with being a friend with benefits or a one night stand. Make sure you talk to the person you plan to hook up with because sex can mean more to some people than others. Keep in mind that sex can be an extremely emotional experience and just because you don’t feel that way doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t.