I was always stealthy about where I hid my sex toys. Not because I thought it was unnatural to own a sex toy, but because my mother had recently rediscovered Christianity and I didn’t know how she would react if she found the 18 inch long double ended dildo that was hidden in the bottom drawer of my dresser.
My mother isn’t homophobic by any means, but I wasn’t sure if she would believe me if I told her I was straight after finding a double ended dildo in my room.
I honestly didn’t think my mom would even know how a double ended dildo was used but I really didn’t want to be the one to educate her.
The dildo stayed hidden for a very long time, tucked away in its box, hidden underneath rolls of decorative paper and a pink-haired mermaid Barbie.
When I moved away for college, I packed my dildo up along with all of my intimate apparel, assuming my mother probably wouldn’t attempt to help me put away all of my undies and lingerie when I moved into my new apartment.
And then, the fateful moving day came.
While my father assembled shelves, dear mother and I attempted to sort through all of the crap I had lugged across the province with me. Being the perfectionist she is, Mom was hoping to get all of my belongings poked away in one afternoon, cleaning and organizing to her very high standards.
All I wanted to do was explore my new town and go out to dinner, but Mom insisted that we could wait until we at least got all of the clothing packed away. She began dumping all of my clothing into a clothing basket.
She was moving so quickly that she didn’t even notice the double dong fall onto of a pile of socks.
I quickly tried to bury it deep into the clothing basket, but she noticed what I was doing.
“What’s this?” she said as she picked it up.
I was too bewildered to respond.
“Look at this!” she said, motioning to my father to turn around and take a look.
“Wow, it has two ends!” my mother exclaimed, laughing. Dad shook his head, giggled a bit and continued assembling the shelves.
She proceeded to take it out of the package, squeezing the toy and nonchalantly chatting about how realistic it felt.
I was mortified. Her reaction was so unexpected. I feel like I could have dealt with anger and outrage more appropriately than the way I dealt with her laughter.
I ran out of the room and chain-smoked for 15 minutes until I could manage to come in and face my parents.
She asked me when I bought the toy. I said I had it for a while, but I didn’t remember exactly when I purchased it. I didn’t want to tell her I bought it two years previous to her discovery.
She then proceeded to remind me of a time when I apparently found a dildo in a vase box while helping my mother go through a box of her belongings that had been stuffed in my aunt’s attic.
I was too young to know what a dildo was, so I was playing with the rubber penis as if it was some sort of squishy hammer, smashing it off the floor and flailing it around until someone noticed what I was doing.
Apparently my mother and aunts had a grand laugh at this spectacle. I kind of wish I could remember it.
After hearing that story I realized a strange fact: my mother and I were 1 for 1 in terms of unexpectedly finding sex toys in each other’s belongings. Huh, imagine that.
As mortified as I was, I’m really glad my parents reacted the way they did. It could have been a really horrible scene that could have lead to awkwardness between all of us, or possibly even worse sentiments.
My mother didn’t question my sexuality after finding the double ended toy, which I was very thankful for. I realized how insanely lucky I was to have such understanding, liberal parents who wouldn’t go berserk over the discovery of a sex toy in their child’s belongings.
Not every person is as lucky as I was in that situation. It’s a shame that there are still people who live in fear of having their sexual preference in toys exposed to anyone, let alone their parents.
Sexual exploration is a very natural part of (almost) every human being’s life. It’s a wonder that sex can still be considered a taboo or “dirty” concept to some.
I’m not saying we should all leave our sex toys out in plain sight for the world to marvel and gawk at, but having your mother find your double ended dildo may not be the worst thing to ever happen in your life.