In my early 20’s I was looking for one of those loves that was all consuming. That; can’t live without, can’t breathe without, can’t move without, love. The kind of love you would find on a romantic movie where all the odds were against us being together but we would fight and make it work because we were destined to be soul mates. Well thank god for the “two great loves” rule. I don’t know if I’m the only person obsessed with Sex and the City enough to remember this but Charlotte said that “Everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life”. Ok so yes I realize she said it after her divorce and it was a convenient theory for her at the time but what if it’s more than that. I refuse to believe that you have one person waiting out there who is your soul mate and if you never find them or if you don’t work it out with them that you’re done. I believe you get to experience so many different kinds of love but there will always be two that are the most important; your first and your last.
My first love was crazy, it was spontaneous, it was dangerous, it was unhealthy, it was all consuming and everything it shouldn’t be. We knew where the other was 24 hours a day, we were attached at the hip, we didn’t have any breathing space and we fought like crazy. I mean we were literally like time bombs that were ready to explode in each other’s faces at any moment; and we frequently did. I honestly don’t know any other couple to this date that had a relationship like ours. We yelled, we fought, we screamed, pushed, shoved, name called and then would have massively violent make up sex. Why? I have no idea. We were young and thought we were in love and that we’d be together forever. It was just one of those loves that was never meant to be but we tried to force it anyway. She would always tell me that relationships weren’t supposed to be easy and that the passion we felt would always overcome the hard stuff. Wrong. It’s nice to THINK that love can overcome anything but it doesn’t. So while first loves can be powerful, intense, emotional, erotic, and thrilling, they don’t need to be the last one. Thank God.
My second great love; who I hope to spend the rest of my life with, is so much more reasonable. Of course we fight, and we have intense passion, but we deal with things much more openly, and calmly. I think that I can appreciate what I have with Ann so much more because of my first disastrous crazy love experience that showed me what love is NOT supposed to be like. It’s not ok to call your partner names, or to push them or do any of the things myself and Jessica did. Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t go back and change anything. That’s what your early 20’s are for, to make mistakes, scrape your knees, learn the difference between right and wrong, and to learn your own boundaries. When you learn to be comfortable with yourself you learn to be comfortable with someone else. So just because you lose someone that you think is the love of your life, don’t worry there’s another one waiting right around the corner.
“Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.” – Carrie Bradshaw