Is it once a cheater always a cheater or is it; once a paranoid jealous girlfriend than a paranoid ex girlfriend?
When someone cheats on you does it mean that they will always cheat? Are there any special circumstances we should take into account or do we just throw away our cheaters into the discard pile without room for explanation?
I think the majority of us have been there, we find out our partner is cheating on us and we go bazonkers! Either we cry hysterically or we get angry, start screaming, yelling and throwing everything we can reach. Sometimes we go through every emotion possible for the simple fact that we don’t know how we feel or how we’re supposed to act. When someone cheats on you it is the ultimate betrayal. Perhaps the worst part about it is that we feel like we’re not good enough. No matter why someone cheats, or who they’ve cheated with, it becomes a comparison between you and the other person.
When I was cheated on (it’s been more than once, trust me) I thought it was because I wasn’t pretty enough, I was too fat, I wasn’t smart enough, I was boring, I wasn’t good enough in bed, and the list goes on. We all make the mistake of looking at ourselves for the problem when most times it has NOTHING to do with us. Sometimes people just cheat.
Does it make us undesirable? No.
Does it mean we’re not good enough? No.
It just means that the other person wanted someone else or felt they needed something else. Maybe it was alcohol, maybe drugs but whatever the reason, it’s done. So once it’s done do we forgive, do we forget or do we move on?
No one can tell you that answer. You need to look inside your own soul, see what you can forgive and what you cannot. I think holding on to someone you can’t forgive is worse than them cheating. We are all capable of making mistakes, there is no doubt about that but how long should we punish that person? I’ve been in relationships where the other person has cheated and I have stayed with them and then been paranoid every time they aren’t with me.
Where are you? Who are you with? Why aren’t you home yet?
I’ve been that girl. The crazy jealous girlfriend who wants to know where they are 24/7 and if they get off work at 10pm, it takes 10 minutes to get home and its 10:15pm I’m demanding to know where they are. But who was I really punishing? I was setting my partner up to fail because it’s what I expected of them. When we’re paranoid and accuse them of cheating when they’re not chances are they will cheat eventually, just because they’re going to be punished for it anyway. I wish I could write a blog and say this is what you do when you’re cheated on and this is what you say but I can’t. Cheating is something that affects all of us differently and we all need to react how we feel is right.
If you can forgive the person and stay with them then do it! Stop listening to everybody else because there is no guarantee that they will cheat again or that this is a part of their nature. However, if you can’t forgive them and you are going to turn into the jealous green eyed monster (which is scarier than the Hulk) then move on. Being cheated on is punishment enough, don’t punish yourself by staying in a relationship that you’re unintentionally sabotaging.
“The things two people do to each other, they remember. If they stay together, it’s not because they forget; it’s because they forgive.” – Demi Moore, Indecent Proposal.