This blog is dedicated to the beautiful young women who came to the Duckworth Store and told me that she felt like a “freak” because she was grieving over her breakup as if someone has died.
Grief is the loss of a loved one; it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve died it just means that they are no longer in your life. So it stands to reason that when someone breaks up with us or even if we have a massive fight and lose a best friend that we grieve for not only them but for the bond that we are losing. The best way I could think of to explain this feeling is to walk you all through the 7 stages of grief that I normally go through in a break up. So if you’re going through a break up right now grab a tub of ice cream or chocolate and scream along at the computer as we go through the bumpy ride that’s Break Up Road!
Stage 1 Shock or Disbelief:
This is the stage where my mouth drops open, and I become numb. I’m the type of person who tends to leave the house with a pack of cigarettes and just walk until my body feels as numb as my mind. For me this is probably the second worst stage because I just feel so emotionless and helpless. It’s a horrible feeling.
Stage 2 Denial:
Excuse me? You’re kidding right? You can’t be leaving me. I like to go about my day as normal thinking that there is no way my relationship could be over, maybe even joke with my co-workers that my partner told me were breaking up but there’s no way it could be real. Normally I work it out in my head that their just saying that because they want me to pay more attention to them, or they want to scare me and make me think they wouldn’t care about leaving me.
Stage 3 Anger:
Oh boy am I ever a disaster in this stage. I’m the girl who screams in your face that you’ll never get anyone who will treat you better than I do, and that no one else is going to put up with your crap. I honestly feel bad for all my ex’s who had to deal with me at this point because I can be very cruel when pushed. It’s a horrible trait to have but unfortunately it seems like something most of us do during a break up; Turn into an evil monster from the depths of hell.
Stage 4 Bargaining:
If it were possible to erase one stage this would be the one that I would choose. God; I have begged, pleaded and told my ex’s I could change and be better. I always feel like garbage after this point because it’s the stage where you are willing to do almost anything not to lose the person who holds your heart. Embarrassment City is what I would rename this if I could.
Stage 5 Guilt:
What did I do? Why did I do this? Why did I say that? This has to be my fault because if I didn’t act that way she wouldn’t have left me. It seems like every bad moment you ever experienced with your ex comes flooding into your mind and they are all possible reasons for why you’re now single.
Stage 6 Depression:
This would be the stage where I begin to seriously eat everything within sight to compensate for how I feel inside. I’ve just gone through feeling guilty for every bad moment and horrible thing I’ve said and now I’m the one who thinks I’ll never find anyone else but she will with someone who will be better, skinnier, prettier and smarter than me. It honestly feels like I’ve failed at everything in my life and I’ll die alone with my dog and no one will care. I’ve got nothing to live for and life is a bleak pit of emptiness that I’ll never survive.
Stage 7 Acceptance:
Finally I’ve reached the stage where I’m hurting but it’s now just a dull ache that will eventually fade. Maybe I’ll find someone else or maybe I’ll just be happy with myself. The world seems to open up with new endless possibilities and you begin to feel like a human being again. Relationships end but you know there’s more out there for you. If it was meant to be it would have been and since it isn’t well here’s to new beginnings.
There’s no telling how long each stage will last or even that you’ll go in this specific order but we all seem to touch on each of these stages. There is NO shame in feeling like you’re alone or even that you’ve lost someone because really you have. I think personally it can hurt more to have a break up than to have someone die because then you have to see them with other people, you may have to move out of your home, you may have to separate children or animals and that can be devastating. Don’t ever let someone tell you how to feel or how quickly you have to move on because it’s all personal and all subjective.
To my poor customer with the broken heart I hope this helps in understanding how you feel and that you are not alone. I have every faith that there is someone new waiting just around the corner for you, be strong and believe in yourself because you are the best you that you can be J