Why do people choose to change things about themselves? Sometimes it’s because they want to feel mentally or physically better about themselves. Maybe they are tired of the same old thing and want to be someone different. Be it a new style, change in personality, or (more commonly) a crash diet. Whatever the change may be, it should always be for the person who is committing to the change; which brings me into the topic of my very first blog.
Why try to mold your partner into what you want them to be? I’m sure that many of you have heard of – or have been in a relationship– a couple in which one person is constantly trying to get the other to change things about themselves such as the way they dress, look, speak or act.
The list goes on. These are just a few of the things that people try to change in others. For me this is a topic that has never made sense. Realistically the things that they are trying to change is what makes us attracted to people in the first place.
So why would you want to change that? I began thinking about this just the other day and thought about my one of my previous relationship s. I began to think about how the two of us started off; we were crazy about each other and nothing mattered besides being together; laughing the days away. It was great it was wild and I felt free. But people change – or in this case they try to make you change. I can remember when it started I had a habit of going to my ex boyfriend’s house in sweatpants, glasses, and my hair up in a messy bun if I knew we weren’t going anywhere. I was comfortable. Apparently that was wrong and I was asked (more so told) one night to stop wearing sweatpants all the time, and to “actually put something nice one for once”. I was so head over heels for this boy that I hid my hurt feelings and agreed to change my outfits for him. No more messy buns. But then it got progressively worse. I could go on and on but I’ll try to keep it short and sweet. He told me that my life goals were stupid and needed to change; my sense of humor wasn’t funny and I should work on it; my brown hair didn’t look good on me, it should be red; I should really learn how to listen to others more because people don’t like me as I am.
I was completely devastated. Why was it that no matter what I did or how I changed myself, he was still picking at other things that could be “improved”. We broke up shortly after I made all these changes for him because he still didn’t feel I was good enough. Big surprise. At first, my heart was broken but fairly quickly I began to realize that I didn’t need someone like that. I remember not even knowing who I really was close to the end of the relationship because he had changed me so much. Who was he to tell me that I was not good enough for him because of the way that I dressed and why did I think it was ok to change myself for someone else? It was ridiculous! Since leaving him I have found myself again, and I love who I am more than ever. Since learning to love myself I have found someone else, and to this day he makes me feel beautiful and reminds me every day that he loves me for the way that I am – all the quirks included.
If someone does not love you and accept you for who you are, then they are not for you. Never should you feel like you’re not good enough for your partner, and never EVER feel like you should change the things that you love about yourself (I went back to brown hair once we broke up ;) ). Stay true to you, because someone out there loves everything you have to offer.