It’s 1am on a Thursday evening and I’m sitting here with my iPad unable to sleep, having a Carrie Bradshaw moment with a smoke in my hand. I’m so bothered by a conversation I had earlier with a friend that I can’t sleep. We’ve talked so many times on the blog about not letting people change you and to stay true to yourself but the real question is here why do we get in relationships with people who aren’t what we want in the first place??? I was talking to a male friend of mine, Mike, earlier this evening and he was telling me about this new girl that he is seeing. To give you the basics she messaged him on an online dating site and wanted to meet him that same night, since then they have had 3 dates. Now clearly at only 3 dates in you can basically say you just started dating but there’s not much to it. So when I ask him how it’s going he tells me its good but he isn’t ok with her job so he’s going to date her for a bit and if he really likes her than ask her to find a new one. At this point red flags are going off in my head and I ask him is there anything else he doesn’t like? Without even pausing to take a breath he proceeds to tell me he doesn’t like that she wears extensions, he doesn’t like how fast she’s trying to move or how needy she is. So at this point I got a little ticked off I mean seriously? If you’re on date number three and you already don’t like a handful of things about a person you shouldn’t be there. So my response to him was “Mike why are you dating a girl you don’t even like?”. His answer; “Well she’s nice and she’s pretty.”
It’s no wonder so many marriages end in divorce these days I mean seriously have we resorted to choosing our mates by their outward appearance and social skills instead of their personality? I understand the desire to have someone attractive on your arm but if you don’t like the person all you’re doing is wasting their time and yours. What right do people think they have to meet someone and immediately choose the things they wish to change in them? If you find things that you dislike so much in someone that you feel the need to alter them than clearly they aren’t the person for you. There are over 7 billion people in this world and instead of taking the time to look for someone that is compatible with us we choose people who we think we can change and mold.
I understand that the world has moved past gentlemen, ladies and courtships but maybe there is a lesson to be learned from our past. Before we started giving up the goods and playing musical beds we used to take the time to get to know someone before jumping under the covers and posting it on facebook. What if people treated dating more like jobs that have a 30 day probation period and understood that just because a date happened it didn’t mean another one had to follow? We could spend 30 days trying to get to know someone, testing their personality against ours, their likes, dislikes and after 30 days (or less) we decide to stay or go. Not every date has to lead to a relationship, and just because you have a bad date doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you!
Do me a favor darlings; if you don’t like someone, don’t date them. It’s an irritating pet peeve of mine.