Sex and Marriage

Ever since we were old enough to understand sex people have told us how when you get married you’re sex life ends! You hear comedians use it in their routines, and sitcoms on TV; you may even hear it amongst family members and friends. Well there are truths and myths to this! So I am going to lay it all out for you.

Yes it’s true that some people’s sex life may go down the drain after marriage BUT it’s not just because they got married! I think one of the reasons married people talk about losing their sex lives after marriage is because you give up trying, people think “oh well we are married now so I no longer have to try at this no need to be romantic I already got her/him” and then wonder why sex has gone! Just because you have gotten married doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be romance and dates! People also stop having sex after marriage because social media has told us that that’s what happens and people believe it so CLEARLY if that comedian says that sex ends once you say I do it must be true! Well my response is HELL NO!!! Make your own decisions about your sex life; if you don’t want it to end after the big jump then don’t stop!

And to some of you men out there; stop blaming it all on your wife (because some of you do and most comedians do) because she is using excuses such as “not tonight dear I have a headache” or “not now I worked all day”. Stop blaming us! And vice versa for women stop blaming your man for “never trying anymore”. I am coming up on my one year wedding anniversary and let me tell you that yes we struggled with sex in the past year because of all this stereotypical sex talk , but when it became a problem we talked about it and here is what I have learned about having sex in my first year of marriage:

1) If your wife says “not tonight dear I have a headache” it may actually mean “just because you touched my breast doesn’t mean it’s going to turn me on.” Please understand if you’re not willing to put effort into seducing your partner than she may not be willing to get it on (a personal experience).

2) “Not now I worked all day” doesn’t always mean no I don’t want to have sex just means not at this moment lets snuggle and relax for a little while.

3) Stop expecting it to just happen, and start trying again; this goes for both men and women.
Women: we can’t always depend on our partners to automatically know when we want it and when we don’t, as much as we may like to think our significant other should “know” they can’t read minds (I am guilty of this). Men: you can’t expect your partner to be ready whenever and wherever! Especially if your partner is a women, as much as we wish we can be turned on as soon as you mention sex a lot of us need stimulation, romantically and sexually! Communication is very important with this as I recently learned. Your partner could be trying to turn you on and you could be completely misinterpreting it as something else. This tip hits home for me as my husband and I were both so bad at this and it was one of our biggest issues after we got married. I would get so frustrated that he wouldn’t “try” and that it was always me who had to initiate play. I hated that he would never just know that I wanted it when I did (I know this is unrealistic now but hey I’m only human). Since realizing this we talk about everything….turns out I was shutting him down constantly and not realizing I was doing so because his attempts where so subtle that I just thought he was being playful, so when he slapped my butt while I was cooking supper he wasn’t saying “hey you have a nice bum” he was saying “you have a sexy ass and I want you here and now on the kitchen floor….oh how I wish I knew that’s what he was saying”

4) BRING BACK THE ROMANCE!!!!!!!!! Just because you are married it isn’t an excuse to no longer be romantic, and this goes for men and women. You can get a dozen roses at Sobeys for 22.95$ people it’s not that hard to show a little love!

So my point is, don’t let stereotypical sex views and miscommunication take sex away from you. NEVER allow marriage to be an excuse for you to no longer have sex because married people still need that intimacy to keep them connected and happy. Talk to each other if you feel like it’s slipping away, think about each other’s needs and feelings, just because you’re married doesn’t mean you don’t feel insecure or needy sometimes! Sex is and always will be 50/50. So if you’ve lost your sex life due to marriage don’t blame it on anything else but yourselves, it has to be you that keeps spark alive or it will die!!! I figured all this out the hard way in the last year and I have learned a lot by talking it out with my husband and learning how to keep things alive and he has learned more about my needs in the past year of being married then he has in the 7 years that we have been together. Because of these 4 things I have talked about here our sex life has improved immensely and the spark is still 100% there and burning stronger! I hope this helps people get their spark back, and I hope it gives couples who are planning on getting married some hope!!!!!

 Honestly yours,



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